Anonymous Q&A
November 02, 2011 | Posted in Dating/Sex
Okay so I have been talking to this girl that is 13 for about 4 months and we love each other. About 3 weeks ago we got a PDA at school for kissing and her parents have not let her talk to me at all. They read a section of our conversations which had parts that no one should ever see or hear except for the two of us. Her parents speak spanish, and dont understand much english, and those messages were in english. Well her mother did not really understand much but she did get some. She made out words that were kind of written the same way. So its official that her parents hate me. I want to get her back but I'm not sure what I should do. I'm scared to meet her parents but I would do it if I was accompanied by one of my parents. This is also a problem, because her parents might tell my parents about what our conversations said. She is starting to get over me so I really want to get to her as soon as possible before I lose her completely. What should I do? How, where, and when should I talk to her parents? I wouldn't know what to tell them at all, and I'm afraid they will tell my parents about our conversation if they go talk to them with me. Please help I can't let go. I love her. I really want her back.
Let's break this whole scenario down for a minute and then I'll let you know what I think you should be doing…
So, you've been communicating with a 13 yr old and you're 15. You then get a PDA at school for kissing. Then her parents read text messages on her phone from you, from what I'm guessing, included some things that her parents were none to pleased with. You believe her parents hate you. You're willing to meet with the parents but then you're parents will find out what you texted the girls, which it sounds like you're trying to avoid.
Okay, here's my thoughts on this. You are wanting to really step it up on the "man level" here. At least that's what I'm hearing. You're willing to meet with the parents, which would probably be a good thing for you to do so you can apologize for the conversations through texting that they did not appreciate. If you're willing to meet with her parents then you'll need to be willing to have your cover blown with your parents. If you're not willing to get into some possible trouble with your parents because of the texting, then chances are your feelings for her are not as strong as you believe they are. If you are willing to have your parents know about the texting, then perhaps the feelings you feel are right on target. One thing that I would encourage you to do is to let your parents the complete story up to this point. Nothing would cause more damage than having another parent tell your parent why they don't want you hanging out with their daughter. Coming from you would be so much better and it shows maturity on your part.
If you want to meet with her parents, then informing your parents of what has transpired up to this point is going to be your best bet. I'm not saying that this will necessarily fix everything, but it's the correct step in this process and it should open up some communication lines with your parents in the process.
Now, here's my thoughts as a father of daughters. If you texted things to one of my daughters that I believe was inappropriate, I'd certainly call you on it. You have to remember that she and her parents have been raised with certain values and understandings as well as you have in your household. What is often appropriate for one family may be deemed inappropriate in another. So, if her parents view the messages as inappropriate, they are and all you can do is sincerely offer your apologize and not use that type of language with their daughter whom the obviously love.
